BREAKING: David Attenborough appointed as new Chief Constable of Wiltshire Police

 

David Attenborough has today been appointed as new the Chief Constable of Wiltshire Police.

Speaking to the public outside the force headquarters in Devizes, he told the public that he had a “great vision for the future of Wiltshire Police”, announcing a number of new initiatives.

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Most notably, CC Attenborough said that he would start to transform the police dog unit immediately, expanding it to become an animal unit utilising highly trained monkeys and parrots.

Marmosets, a breed of small monkey, will enhance the unit’s ability to hunt for drugs and weapons in places that dogs cannot reach, and parrots will replace drones as our eyes in the sky.

A source understand that the force headquarters will relocate to Longleat, Warminster, in a £320 million move, which has been agreed by HM Government.

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